I hate fuckin'' christmas
Seems like it''s one big "have to do"
Seems like everybody that you meet on the street
Has been singin "halle-fuckin''-lujah"
Well, the mistletoe on the ceiling really
Makes me wanna do ya

Christmas it''s so hard to find cocaine
Now it seems I can''t get outta bed
All those dickheads in their white shirts on my T.V.
Singin'' "Please don''t drink and drive"
Well, that''s pretty good advice
''Cause ya just might spill your drink

Christmas, it''s the time for stealing presents
Out from underneath your neighbor''s tree
Look''s like little Johnny just won''t get his
Teeneage Mutant Ninja Turtle
Well, I''d better wear a rubber
''Cause that turtle might be fertile

Today I think I''ll screw my brother''s girlfriend
All he ever does is go to work
When he goes downtown to buy the
Dead bird, who''s the fuckin'' turkey?
I hate fuckin'' christmas